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Joe MaloneyProficient in:
Extracurriculars:
AboutJoe Maloney's story as a digital artist and game designer is an especially mundane one. At the age of 3, he was kidnapped by pirates on the way home Harris Teeter due to his suspected involvement in an underground 3.1 zillion dollar gold embezzlement scandal. After months of brutal interrogation by the crew and dozens of failed rescue efforts from the US Coast Guard, Maloney was forced to take things into his own hands by jumping overboard and swimming roughly 20 miles to the nearest island. Maloney survived off of fish, coconuts, and makeshift purified water for 10 years before a North Korean military vessel discovered him on the island and picked him up. Maloney was trained for years as an undercover spy for North Korean intelligence before being deployed back to the United States. He immediately fled and turned himself in to the FBI in order to return to his regular life. But unfortunately, Maloney's old arch-nemeses from the kindergarten yard saw an opportunity to charge him for treason. A 2 year trial ensued, but thanks to the expert work of Joe Maloney's lawyer, Saul Goodman, Maloney was acquitted from all charges. At this point, Joe was 14 years of age. He chose to settle down, earn his high school diploma, and pick up digital art and game design. Since then, he has made everything you see here and more.
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